THE MINDLESS THREAD

[Papa Tiger]

The LEO decides to wait outside of a local bar one night because that is where drunks come out to drive home.

Well, it is closing time & the LEO notices a guy stumbling out and almost falls on the curb.
The drunk tries to unlock five cars before he finally finds his.

So, the LEO thinks he's most likely drunk. Meanwhile everyone in the bar has left.
When the drunk finally pulls out of the lot the Officer pulls him over and says,
"Sir, will you step out of the car!" So, the LEO Orders the drunk to blow a breath analyzer test
and the results are 0.0. ..... Officer says, "How can this be," and the drunk says,

"I'm the designated decoy!"

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[Papa Tiger]

He deliberated hard about a couple of girls in high school and who to ask to the sock hop.
So, He decided to just go and see if they had dates. Later danced with them and then went
to the bowling alley to play the pinballs with his pals.

They were shy most likely, not talking with the girls much & didn't go to the sock hop.
He realized it was sort of fun to not be locked into the Boy Girl thing tonight.

 

[Papa Tiger]

"Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas," he says to
His uncle when he sees him after the holidays. "It's the best present
I ever got." "That's great," said his uncle. "Do you know how to play it,
He says, "Oh, I don't play it," "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to
play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to
play it at night."

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THE GIFT OF GIVING IS JUST KEEP ON GIVING!

 

[Papa Tiger]

A notorious mafia boss is looking for a new man to make weekly collections
from all the private businesses that he is "protecting."
Feeling the heat from the police force, he decides to use a deaf person for the job
so that even if he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police what he was doing.
On his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $50,000.
He then gets greedy and decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place.
The mafia boss soon realizes that his collection is late and
sends some of his hoods after the deaf collector.
The hoods find the deaf collector and ask him where the money is.
The deaf collector can't communicate with them, so the hoods drag the guy a sign interpreter.
One of the hoods says to the interpreter, "Ask him where the money is."
So he signs, "Where is the money?"
The deaf man replies, "I don't know what you're talking about." in sign.
The interpreter tells the hood, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
The hood pulls out a .38 pistol and places it in the ear of the deaf collector.
"Now ask him where the money is." The interpreter signs, "Where is the money?"
The deaf man signs, "The $50,000 is in Central Park, hidden in the third tree stump
on the left from the West 78th Street gate." The interpreter says to the hood,
"He says he still doesn't know what you're talking about and doesn't think you
have the guts to pull the trigger!"
_________________________________
I tell ya, well thats the truth up there!

 

[Papa Tiger]

An Elder old man ordered one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink.
He then unwrapped the burger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed
one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.

As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them kept looking over and whispering.
You could tell they were thinking: "That poor old couple --all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."

As the man began to eat his fries, a young man came to their table. He politely offered to buy another meal.
The old man said they were just fine --they were used to sharing everything.

The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat
and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy
another meal for them.

This time, the wife said: "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything." As the old man finished and was wiping
his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady, who had yet to eat a single bite
of food, and asked: "What is it you are waiting for?"


She answered: "The teeth." .....
_____________________________________
There is no other outcome here.

 

[Papa Tiger]

John is shocked by the doctor's suggestion, but he decides to give it a go.
Sure enough, he starts feeling loads better after a couple of weeks and
realizes that he'll never eat peas again.

Anyway, one night,he's sitting in a bar
having a conversation with friends.
One of them says, "I'd love a cigarette,
because I haven't had a smoke in four years.
My wife persuaded me to give them up."

Another guy says, "I haven't played a game of golf in three years,
because it cost me my first marriage. So I gave it up."

Then John says, "I haven't had a pea in six years!"
When she hears this, the Pretty lil bartender yells,
"Okay, everyone who can't swim, grab a table!"
_______________________________________
ARE YOU AWARE OF;
The pretty - hottie barmaids are the social leaders in all communities.

 

[Papa Tiger]

A good-looking guy sits down at a bar to order a drink.
Suddenly a young woman sits next to him, and in a flirtatious
way says "You smell nice. What do you have on?"
______________________________________________________
The guy thinks, It's a hard on, but says, " I didn't realize you might smell it."

__________________________________________________________________
MY TENT DIDN'T WASH AWAY WITH THE STORM, just don't shat on my foot, piss on my leg and call it STANK !

 

[Papa Tiger]

The only way to change things is to bore them to sleep.
Then move their bed close to the bathroom door and open it.
If they are lucky they won't walk into it? Get the idea?
_____________________________________________
I USED TO THINK JOKES COULD BE FUN!

 

[Papa Tiger]

A parrot flies into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender gives the parrot a drink.

The parrot complains:
"Hey! You forgot the little umbrella!"

The bartender puts the little umbrella into the drink and
the parrot is satisfied.

The parrot drinks a couple more drinks and then leaves.

After the parrot has left,
a man sitting next to it says to the bartender:
"Huh, I've never seen anything like that before!"

The bartender replies:
"So! ... Anyone can forget the little umbrella!"
__________________________________________
I FORGOT ABOUT THE 3 CARROT WEDDING DIAMOND ABOVE THE PARROTS TALONS.

 

[Papa Tiger]

A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered
dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of
seagulls.

One day his supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out
and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the
road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them.

Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls
across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
__________________________________________________ ____
DON'T TAKE CHANCES IF YOU WANT TO LIVE FOREVER

 

[Papa Tiger]

THE PLIGHT FROM THE ANCIENTS ON OUR SHOULDERS;

Believe everything you hear from word of mouth or the pen.
Never believe you been fooled. U R here to stick doggedly to
the Course. Remember you are basically just a walker following
Another Clown down an endless trail of hunter - gatherer. The
first fool that decided to plant grass seed wrecked everything.
But since you have entered the Ants Domaine of eminent circling
following the vehicle ahead of you, its break or no break.
_______________________________________________
I got nothing !

 

[Papa Tiger]

You know thas not so bad and idear.

 

[Papa Tiger]

Tony's is in a relative’s wedding.
As he walks down the aisle, he takes two steps,
stops, and then turns to the crowd,
puts his hands up like claws and roars.

That’s the way it happens all down the aisle:
step, step, ROAR…step, step, ROAR…step, step, ROAR.

Well; can you imagine it, the crowd is near tears from
laughing by the time he reaches the pulpit.

When the priest who is celebrating the wedding asks
what the **** he's doing? Tony admits that,
“He's being the Ring Bear.”

________________________________________________
I BEEN LUCKY, NEVER HAD TO GO THROUGH THE STUFF.
MY FRIENDS DIDN'T INSULT ME, THEY ARE ALL DIVORCED. i'M GOOD WID IT!

 

[Papa Tiger]

The teacher asks her class,
"What can we do to stop water pollution."
& the class screams in unison proudly!

“Stop taking baths!”
________________________
YOU HAD SOMETHING ELSE IN MIND, DIDN'T YOU?

 

[Papa Tiger]

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