THE MINDLESS THREAD

[Papa Tiger]

Sponsored

 

[Papa Tiger]

A lawyer boarded an airplane with a box of frozen crabs and asked a
blonde flight attendant to take care of them for him.
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.

He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them
staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a
lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she
let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.

Shortly before landing in Toronto, she used the intercom to announce
to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in
Alaska, please raise your hand?"
Not one hand went up, so she took them home with her to fix for dinner.

_________________________________________

 

[Papa Tiger]

I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about me - us,
I will stop spreading the truth about them.
Instead of handing them the keys to the city,
Let's change the locks.

 

[Papa Tiger]

After being married for 51 years and take a careful look at my wife and say, "Fifty one years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl."

"Now ... I have a $500,000.00 home, a $63,000.00 car, a nice big bed and a large smart screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 73-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She tells me, "Go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and I'll make sure that you will once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV."


"Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve an aging guy's problems!"

 

[Papa Tiger]

Sure, You're the only chick my shoes fit around!

 

[Papa Tiger]

A pizza chain located in most every mall,
just declared bankruptcy.
The inside scoop on why ?
"Along with many mall's closing they
simply ran out of dough......"

 

[Papa Tiger]

A trucker goes into a Truck Stop Café and places his order,
“I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.”

The new waitress, not wanting to appear totally stupid,
went to the kitchen and says to the cook, “There's a guy out there who
just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards...
What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?”

“No”, the cook laughingly says. “What he wants is three flat tires...
means three pancakes; a pair of headlights... is two eggs sunny side up;
and a pair of running boards... are 2 slices of crisp bacon!”

“Oh... OK!”, says the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and
spoons up a bowl of beans and gives it to the customer.

The trucker says, “I didn't order the beans, so what are the beans for?"
She replies, “While you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and
running boards, you might as well gas up!”

 

[Papa Tiger]

 

[Papa Tiger]

Joke Memes will have to wait so ther was always Shorley Jones.

Maybe the forum will fis it but if they don't there is always Shorley Johnes. so well is good.

 

[Papa Tiger]

Two archeologists, exploring a remote mountain in Tibet,
came across a huge granite statue which resembled a sitting man.
It stood almost 400 foot tall.

It's bodily details were accurate down to the fingernails and teeth.
"It looks real enough to talk," says one. "Let's try," says the other and
turning to the statue he asks it its name. No answer.
"How old are you?" No answer.

Finally. one shouts out, "What is the square root of 64?"
Suddenly, the mountain shakes as the giant statue rises
onto its feet and puts its hand on its chin.

Then after about ten seconds, the statue answers in a roaring voice, "Eight."
"Of course!" says the scientist, "... It only stands to reason."

 

[Papa Tiger]

The Wisconsin D.O.T found over 200 dead crows on highways recently. There was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues, it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with Motorcycles, while only 2% were killed by cars.

The Agency then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of motorbike kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger.

They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "bike"

 

[Papa Tiger]

I spent a lot of time considering if a Life on Mars could Complete Me?
Ahh! No! Way! I'm gonna sleep in an Oxygen tent off of Earth!



.........................................................

 

[Papa Tiger]

Grandma said,

"In Our day there were no GPS. "We drove down roads until we
ended up in Horror Movies."

"It's so sad how Norman Bates is remembered for his murders &
and not his brilliant work as a Taxidermist."

"Men say girls should come with instructions." "What would be the point of that?"
"Have you seen a man actually read the instructions?"

 

[Papa Tiger]

Whenever the bull tried to mount our cow, she'd move away.
If he approached from the back, she moves forward.
When he approached her from the front, she backs off.

An attempt from the side, she walks away to the other side."
The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked,
"Did you by chance, buy this cow in Illinois?"

The people were dumbfounded,
they had not mentioned where they bought the cow.

"You are truly a wise Vet," they said.
"How did you know we got the cow in Illinois?"

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye,
"My wife is from Illinois."

 

[Papa Tiger]

The LEO decides to wait outside of a local bar one night because that is where drunks come out to drive home.

Well, it was closing time, the LEO noticed a guy come stumbling out and almost fell on the curb. The drunk tries to unlock five cars before he finally found his.
So, the LEO thinks he's most likely drunk. Everyone in the bar has left. When the drunk pulled out the Officer pulls him over and says, "sir, get out of the car! So, the LEO Orders the drunk to blow a breath analyzer test and the results were 0.0. Officer says, How can this be and the drunk says, " I'm the designated decoy!"

__________________

Sponsored